i’m gonna write in english and bahasa right now, you can see the indonesian version as you scroll down your mouse
So, this is a true story of my funny life this week. My friend had a boyfriend and they used to love each other.
Once upon a time, she realized that her boyfriend is such a dick. He is so lame and stupid and everything. He often cheat on her but he accuse that she was the one who cheated.
Their long distance relationship began with shit and ended with shit too. Her boyfriend almost never visit her on Jakarta and always tell her to come to his city or he will be angry.
Else, her boyfriend is stupid too. For example, he never understand that his girfriend is sometimes busy and she cannot text or call him all the time. He will accuse her that she didnt love him anymore, that she had a new boyfriend that she cheated and blah blah blah blaaaah just because my friend is a bit busy and cannot answer his call. Oh shit!
And the worst part is when he pretend to be dead. Haha. I mean, he often pretending like he is in a hospital or he is sick or he had a heart attack or something just to get my friend’s attention when she is a lil bit busy(WTF?!)
Or sometimes he will be like “You did not answer my call? Or my text? You dont love me anymore, Mommy?(yess they call each other with that name sounds lame, doesn’t it? 😂😂) okay if you dont love me anymore oooh i had a heart attack because you ignore me! Ooooh i’m just gonna commit a suicide and everythiiing”
If you dont believe that he said like that to my friend, just watch his reaction by yourself when his girl left him to go toilet and cannot answer his call what the fuck 😂 seriously, i’m not lying and that’s really happening.
Hahahhahahahahha i laughed till my belly hurts!
I mean, he is a guy and everything but he is just so lame like a girl. He is not grown-up, althought he will be 20 this year!
This week was the worst part. My friend, call her echa, she tried to break up with her lame bf which we call him as arwah. She tried so many times but she is way too kind to him, and because she worried about arwah’s words “im gonna kill myself if you end this relationship with me, echa”
But this time is different. Echa said to arwah that ‘this is all over and dont call me mommy-daddy anymore’. As usually, arwah pretended to be dead. He said that he was walking to a train station and he will commit a suicide there. At first, echa almost takes her words (about break up) back, but we told her just to let arwah do what he wants. I mean, the whole time arwah lies about he is sick he is in hospital and blah blah just to get echa’s attention. Echa must not be tricked again this time. So arwah text her like, “im now in train station are you goin to say goodbye or not? Goodbye i love you”
But echa does not care. The next morning she got a text that saying that arwah died last night. We laughed alot when we saw arwah’s fb account, he jut commented on a status and changed his profil pict this morning. Who did that? His ghost? Hahhahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The truth is, arwah just tried to get echa’s attention and failed. Now, echa is single and is living happily ever after 😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏
Jadi, ini kisah nyata dalam idup gue minggu ini. Ceritanya gue punya temen bernama echa. Suatu hari di bekasi , ia bertemu pocong bernama alam yang akhirnya dia pacarin selama berbulan2. Orangnya kece tapi banci abis minta digiles.
Coba deh, dia sering selingkuh sama cabe2an di kegelapan lapangan depan rumahnya dan dengan watadosnya pas echa tanyain, malah nuduh echa balik bahwa echa selulingkuh and everything.
Echa tuh udh sering nyoba buat putus tapi gagal mulu, soalnya alam ini sejenis mahluk nekat yang selalu bilang mau bunuh diri kalo diputusin. Begonya, echa percaya lagi (emang echa kadang2 rada bego sih)
Lucunya lagi, kalo si echa lagi sibuk and ga bisa ngangkat telepon alam, alam bakal sms kyk gini,
“Bunda ga sayang lagi ya sama ayah ? Yaudah kalo bunda ga sayang lagi sama ayah ooooh bunda udah punya yang lain? Yaudah ayah masuk rumah sakit eh bunuh diri eh mau matiii”
Pokoknya intinya kayak gitu, dan gua ga boong samasekali, kalo ga percaya pergi aja ke sbs di bekasi trus temuin dah cowok cungkring bentuknya kayak terong di tengah2 lapangan.
Trus, kemaren tuh echa brani buat mutusin alam. Alam juga sering boongin echa supaya narik perhatian, contohnya kayak bilang dia di RS dirawat n sekarat atau apapun itu, supaya echa ga putusin. Pokoknya sering banget boong kayak tuyul.
Trus kemaren echa mutusin alam. Si alam itu, dia ngeboong lagi and bilang dia mau bunuh diri karna diputusin. Akhirnya dia nyebur ke got dan nguburin diri ehh salah, akhirnya tuyul ini pergi ke kranji untuk bunuh diri nabrakin diri ke kereta. Udah gitu dia sms,
“Aku udah mau mati niiih keretanya mau dateng, ada pesan2 trakhir gak? Yaudah kamu jaga diri baek2” bla blaa blaaa blaaaaa sok banget yak. Tp echa kali ini ga bertindak konyol dengan nyebur ke got untuk nyari alam. Echa biarin aja, karna udah capek diboongin.
Esok harinya echa dapet sms kayak gini(yang foto di bawah) tp beberapa waktu kemudian alam buka fbnya and ganti pp, komen2an and eveything. Makanya gue panggil dia arwah maen facebook.
Ketawan banget kan boongnya? Baru sekali gua ketemu tuyul kayak gini.
Akhirnya, echa living single ever afterrr eh, maksud gue living happily ever afterrrrr
Tepuk tangan dong buat echaaa ini gak gue karang lho. Kalo mo bemuin orangnya datengin aja selokan di komplek sbs bekasi, cari alam diantara lumut lumut yang begoyang.
Bye, indos! Thanks for reading!
update: arwah has not give up yet, after failed to get echa’s attention with the-im-dead joke, now he lied to echa that he is going to Singapore to live there and never meet Echa ever again. He lies, i know it, just to get echa’s attention. And by the way i call him arwah or with his real name sometimes, Alam