Pain i feel (being the first child)

im the eldest, but actually no the eldest. i have a big bro who died before he born so he doesnt counted. oke, and here i am the first child.
is it just me or anyone else feel the same? the stuggle. the pain. and everything, every inch of thing you do have to be perfect infront of your parents just because they say, “You are the first child!”
my parents always watching me like ima lil kid that cannot do anything but wrong things (but hey come on im 15 already!) and they dont even care about my other siblings and about what they are doin or whats their score at school or everything. but they will check my score, and even if i got the highest score they still comment me like, “im sure you can do better than this. why just 85?” and when i got 90 theyll be like, “why not 95?” and that will never stop! i think if theres 0-10000000000000 and not only 0-100 they will questioning me everyday.
and whenever i fight with my siblings, it doesnt matter how wrong they are, how rude the words they say to me but its always me who always seems wrong. and if i tell my parents “thats just not fair! im not teasing him i just want him to learn a lesson! i wanna teach him how to behave and–”
“First child should behave first! if you dont have good manners then how your siblings could respect each other and respect you?” (and my siblings be like, “im the king im the king im the kinggggg”)
and i dunno why but as the first child i dont wanna hide anything from my parents. i wanna be trusted because i do deserve it. those things are like, friends i have on the internet, those websites i browse, and anything like that. But you know what? it always seems WRONG to my parents eventhough i just chatting with a normal guy, i mean he is a nice guy and we dont talk about sex but my parents be like “dont do it. dont talk to him” or they will walk around me all the time pretending to do something else but i know that they are keeping an eye on me.
and how about my other siblings? they hide everything. i know they always sleep late at night itll be 0.1 o’clock or 2 because watching movies from their laptop and they hide it from my parents and they play porn games and they talk to so many girls but my parents never complain about that. not ever.
that doesnt make sense. thats just not fair.
i wanna be a good daughter i wanna be a good sibling but i think its inpossible to do that. this is not my fault and i cant say it was theirs because they never feel guilty and they think they are doin a right thing.
and if you are a parent and you are reading this please think about what i wrote and ask yourself: do i treat my first child this bad? have i treat him/her as fair as i can?
because, you know, the pain is something ill never forget. and oh yeah maybe this is one thing i should not tell you but well, i once thinking to commit a suicide because of this problem. because im the first child. but its okay now dont worry im grown up 🙂


2 thoughts on “Pain i feel (being the first child)

  1. i feel you gal… like almost all the first child in this world fell you too. Huggggsss… when i was kiddo i try to overcome that feeling to have a lot of ‘bigger sister or brother’ from my surroundings. And now, when i have a fiancee, i am so spoiled with him and i also think its because i cant be spoiled as first child. :)))


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